Tears of Salt

/

I need this.
More
than
anything.
More
than
you.
Do
not
be angry.
I take
my shoes
off and walk
to where
I know
I can
fill my soul.
I can
not explain
it.
As I walk
the
sand
washes
away
all the
wrongs.
The bad
decisions.
The things
I wish
I could
change.
I feel
the tears
stream down
my face.
Because
this is not
what I want.
Or how
I want it.
I get
closer
to my temple,
my church
my forgiver.
This place
can heal
and I am
ready.
I see the
ocean
and I walk out
on the sandbar.
The ocean
breeze
floats
down
my throat
and takes
all those mistakes
and regrets
away.
I walk into
the water
and let
the salt water
do what it
should do,
Fix,
Heal.
This is
the most
honest
place I know.
I swim
until
my arms feel
like heavy weights.
I walk
out of
the ocean.
Knowing,
I can be better.
As I walk through
the sand,
I see you
waiting
for me.
The salt
water
from my tears
is mixing
with the
ocean salt
water.
Under my
breath
I whisper
your name.
You are my
safe place
and I love
your honest
eyes.
You understand
my tears of
salt.

_____
Paper Trail:

Off Season: Cape May, New Jersey

Photographed during the month of February in 2014, the image above was captured during photo sessions for a book entitled, Off Season: Cape May, New Jersey.

This book will showcase high contrast black-and-white images from Cape May during the height of winter in the resort’s off season. Stark, barren, and empty are words and emotions I hope the final images convey. 

It is a labor of love and will be available June 2016. Stay tuned!!

The Beach Is Her Sanctuary

/

The beach is her sanctuary. The sand under her feet is her foundation. The waves lapping at the shore are her symphony. In good weather or bad, her soul is always at peace by the ocean. 

It’s winter and morning. The air is cold and biting. The sky is overcast and threatening snow. It doesn’t matter. The beach is deserted and exists only for her.

She looks at the water and the waves softly breaking. She looks at the snow covered jetty and the coastline beyond. She breathes the salt air and listens to the gulls overhead.

One step after another, she walks the beach leaving footprints in the sand. What once was smooth and touched only by the sea, now bears witness to her passing. Tracks along the shore. Memories for her mind.

She isn’t alone. She’s here with her lover. He quietly watches her as she walks in her solitude. No longing. No jealousy or envy. No expectations. He observes her in the moment, delighted and grateful to know his love is at peace.

She feels his gaze as she walks. It makes her smile. She knows this place is special to him. Sharing it, she feels his love. He is part of her and always will be. She wonders if he knows? 

Stopping, she looks back to find him. She was right. He is there and watching. She feels him in her heart. Lost in the moment, the world slips away and serenity finds her. Her soul is calm and quiet. She’s at peace and happy.

Welcome The September Rains

/

The month of September was emotionally and physically rainy. It found me interviewing for a corporate job in the tech sector and ended with a trips to San Fransisco and Cupertino, California. It was filled with sweet and sour and saw both highs and lows. 

Life is like that… It has a way of seeming out of control at times, random and unpredictable. This, though, is an illusion. We control our lives with the choices we make. We create our own reality. 

As I have grown older, I have come to see and believe this on many different levels. No matter how things seem or turn out, opportunity is always present. The trick is learning to see the opportunity for what it is and to seize it. 

As I am fond of saying… Passion drives change. Change is long overdue!! A close and dear friend has a similar mantra. For her… Complacency is the enemy. 

And so… By the end of September, I had taken a risk and allowed an opportunity to play out. Although that opportunity was not realized, it presented a moment of clarity that solidified my focus and determination to create my own reality and to follow my dreams.

Finding the positive in the negative is a skill we all possess. It is a skill, though, that needs to be developed to be realized. In The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho, refers to this as following the omens. Only by doing so can we stay on the path to attaining our dreams.

While the month of September was rainy, personally and professionally, it was a month that restored my clarity and returned me to my path. The September rains brought me back to my passions of photography and all things creative as well as my desire to build a lasting legacy in the world.

Welcome the September Rains...
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This post was originally published on BillMcNamee.com, dated October 5, 2015.

His Old Friend

/

The shirt is an old friend. It is made from a soft cotton ticking cloth with wide blue and white stripes. It is well worn, oversized, and comfy, like a blanket is warm and inviting on a chilled night.

The shirt is his favorite. It is a cherished garment that has been lovingly tended and preserved for years. It is the first shirt he wears after doing wash. It is the only shirt he enjoys wearing no matter the season or the setting. 

Now his old friend is laying in his lap. It is freshly unwrapped from the package that arrived in the mail. Flat and pressed, the shirt is lifeless and somehow less than what it once was. He looks at it with tears in his eyes. 

It has been awhile since he has seen his shirt and old friend. The reunion is unexpected and comes as a shock. Emptiness fills him. Loss and sadness flood through him. Waves of emotion begin to consume him, claiming him and stealing his soul.

He knows only despair and isolation in this moment. No longer in control, the tears that welled up in his eyes begin to fall. They run down his face and land on the shirt in his lap. He sits quietly and trembles as his tears pool on his old friend. 

The shirt should not be here. His old friend should not be tear stained and laying in his lap. He gifted it to his love, the woman that is his everything and his forever. He gave her the shirt as he gave her himself. 

He remembers her joy and excitement when he handed her the shirt. He remembers the love in her eyes and the smile on her face as she wore it for the first time. His old friend was now her new friend. It was a symbol of their bond and life together. 

As she slowly ran her hands over it, the shirt immediately enveloped her in his love and devotion. It carried his scent and, now, blended with hers. His old friend embraced her and became her warm blanket on a chilled night. It became her shirt for all seasons.

He last saw his old friend on his love. She wore it for him lose and open. She treasured being in it and near him. She cherished being embraced by both, loved and protected in their touch. 

The shirt is now laying lifeless in his lap, tear stained and wet. His old friend returned to him without warning or word. The love of his life, his everything and forever, silent and lost to him.

A Thousand Kisses Deep

/

It was a late April evening back in 2013, I ventured online to listen to a close friend DJ’ing a live stream. My friend’s name is Irish and, when I tuned her in, she was playing a song from a musician I was not familiar with. The artist’s name was Leonard Cohen and the song was, A Thousand Kisses Deep.

As I sat and listened to Leonard’s aged voice sing the haunting lyrics of his song, I began thinking about recent events in life. Speaking about opportunities and people in one’s life that cannot change as well as accepting paths never envisioned, this song affected me in ways that are difficult express.

Endings… Things that will never be… Journeys not to be taken… People left behind… Futures never realized…

And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
-----
And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep,

Wow… These words gave me such pause and, yet, sent chills through me. 

That year, 2013, produced so much joy for me. I had made real efforts to change my life and karma, personally and professionally. Good things were happening. And then, my life took control away… A Thousand Kisses Deep.

That is what I felt and feel when I listen to Leonard’s song. As sad as that seems, though… A Thousand Kisses Deep also reminds me that when one door closes another opens. Closure always breeds new opportunities and fresh beginnings. It is this ebb and flow of closure and opportunity that defines us and our lives. It is the balance of all that has taken place, rather than any single episode or period, that matters.

So, remember fondly those people and the paths that were and could have been. It is okay to do so. With that in mind… Embrace your present and look to your future, knowing it is filled with opportunity and fresh beginnings.

Or, in the words of Leonard Cohen…

I’m turning tricks,
I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.

_____
Paper Trail:

Everything Wrong With...

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If you are not familiar with Cinema Sins or their Everything Wrong With (Movie Sins) series, you have been missing out!!

Too much time on their hands? Hell, yes!! Their video shorts, though, are delightfully creative and wicked fun for any movie buff. I have been watching them for years and am a subscriber to their YouTube channel. I look forward to each new installment and episode.

Here are a few video shorts from Cinema Sin. They are well worth the view. For a deeper dive into the Everything Wrong With series, follow the paper trail below. Then, explore the other series, including:

  • How To Make A Film
  • What's The Damage
  • Conversations With Myself
  • Movie Recipes

Everything Wrong With Prometheus

Everything Wrong With Nine 1/2 Weeks

Everything Wrong With Guardians Of The Galaxy

Everything Wrong With The Fifth Element

Everything Wrong With Goldfinger

Everything Wrong With The Avengers

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Paper Trail: